A new love affair can be exhilarating, fun and romantic, but it can also be exhausting and disappointing. The main rule of bagging a guy is patience. Let me elaborate...
The chase is on...
You meet a guy who seems interested in you, and you believe there is potential for a date or even a relationship. This excites you, so you begin to text him and call him on a fairly regular basis. Now, I know everybody says this but do not text him, let him text you. It doesn't matter if when you met him at that bar/coffee shop/[insert place here] he already appeared to worship the ground you walk on, that was because you were already there, chatting to him in person, therefore this type of play didn't require much effort for the guy to lure you in and attract you, basically, he didn't have to go out of his way.
Most men are picky and enjoy the freedom of single life (up until a point, but we'll come to that in a later blog). Women are usually more eager to commit and want to settle into a relationship than a man (pardon the stereotypes here but this is generally the case and backed up by evolutionary science). This is why you must let the man chase you. If he is interested in you enough, he WILL call, he WILL text and he WILL ask you out on a date. Even if he asked for your number in that coffee shop and you do not hear from him within a short space of time he is NOT interested enough...move on. Plus, why would you even want to waste your time chasing a guy who isn't really interested in you anyway? Somebody (usually you) will only get hurt.
Don't let it damage your self-esteem...
Now, if this does happen to you (as it does all of us, including me) please do not let it bother you or make you feel unattractive, unwanted or unworthy of a relationship. This is not the case, it is much more likely that the guy in the coffee shop was attracted to you, but unfortunately something was just not enough for him to make that next move and go out of his way. This is ultimately his loss, and you will find a better man.
The (dreaded) calling and texting...
However, if the guy does make contact with you and you are still happy to reciprocate, then answer his calls and reply to his texts. Still, do not be overly eager, as in do not answer every single one of his calls otherwise he will think you are waiting by the phone, you can always call him back later, when you 'have time'. Never reply to his texts faster than he does, generally, at least double the time he takes, do not give in, have patience as this will pay off in the long run. Also if he doesn't reply to your text, do NOT send another one, this is the most important rule of texting, always appear as though you do not need him in your life, make him believe and aware that your life is already fulfilling and you have lots to do and that you don't have the time to be texting him again to 'make sure he got your last 100 texts'. Be aware that texting does not require much effort, so if he is interested enough and he wants to pursue you, he will reply at some point. However, also be aware that if he does take a while at times, it doesn't mean he isn't interested, it may just be that he is busy or he forgot, but if he likes you enough, he will not forget forever and will make contact with you once again.
The first couple of weeks to a month...
Once you have had your first date and he has made contact with you numerous times, then you need to make sure he knows you are interested in him too. There are subtle ways you can do this, without chasing him or being/appearing 'too easy to get'. This is mostly achieved by how you behave during a date. Firstly, always turn up and be on time-ish (never early, preferably 5 minutes late). Secondly is to greet him warmly, smile and maintain reasonable eye contact throughout the date. Next is to give your date your attention, do not fumble around in your bag looking for your lip balm and certainly do not use your mobile phone or any other distracting gadget, give him your full attention for the few hours you are together. If you really need your lip balm, or you need to use your phone, make a quick trip to the loo. Avoidance of your mobile phone will also discourage him from using his too, which means that you will both have less distractions, meaning you will get to know each other better and connect on a higher level, whilst also developing a deeper level of mutual respect, which is hugely important in a long-term relationship. Also, if he really has been contacting you first for a while, it is okay to initiate contact every so often (about once a week) just to let him know you are putting in a little effort too and your relationship is developing.
For the first few dates, always let him do the asking, don't ask him on a date. You can suggest that you'd like to see him again if he mentions something similar, but ultimately, let him ask. If you can't do a particular day or time, then it is fine to suggest an alternative, and certainly never accept a same day date, remember - you are too busy! Another important rule is to give each other space and do not see each other more than once or twice (at the most) per week. The time between each date will give your guy chance to miss you and want to see you again, making him fall in love just that little bit more.
One last thing about the early stages of dating, do not sleep with the guy... well if you just want a f**k-buddy relationship then that's fine, but if you want a real relationship, wait until at least the fourth date (not too early, and not too stereotypical either!)
The key to successful dating is to have your own life, do not get wrapped up in a mushy mess of love too early on. Stay independent and keep busy, let the guy chase you as you are the prize. If he works hard for you and he manages to win you over, he will feel special as you have made a space for him in your happy, busy life. It can be difficult, but keep calm and stay patient (well, at least for a while!)
